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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?