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No matter how old you are ... swingsets are cool.
So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.
It`s possible you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!