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There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
I only have one word for women who look at me like Iām some kind of sex object ... Hi.