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I`m sure the fellow below don`t have big feet :(
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
It`s amazing how much more money I have when I`m drunk.
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.