Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.