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I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
When I die, bury me with a pack of smokes, no light. Where I`m going, there will have plenty of free fires to light from.
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
Your mother never saw the irony in calling you son of a bitch.
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.