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“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
I’m sick of closing out every job interview with “I was young. I needed the money.”
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
I think, therefore i`m single.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.