Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.