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Gravity is a real downer.
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
Waldo wears stripes because he doesn`t want to be spotted !
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking