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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
when my swear jar gets full I`m going to use the money to buy a f*cking puppy
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
*breaking news music plays* Last thought of the night: Why is now everyone talkin` bout "twerkin`"? Man, that shyt been `round since the days of Hammer pants and spandex shorts!!!!
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
According to this BMI chart ... I am to short.
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.