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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
I`ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
You win some, you lose some, and if you`re lucky, you get some.
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
Relationship Status: eating
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.