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Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
only fights if pillows are present.
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
Why Couldn`t Snoop Dogg & Dr.Dre Get On The Bus ... Because They Forgot 50 Cent
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying