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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
Apparently members of the Westboro Baptist Church were outside a theater when the marquee gave way and came crashing down injuring several of them amidst their protest. Witnesses overhead many of the members muttering to themselves, "It must be a sign."
If you get excited that jumping on the bed won`t spill the wineglass on the other side, you`re probably an alcoholic.
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.