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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Ok, I’m having wine for dinner.
My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
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Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
Happy Birthday to all those ladies that their men forgot about because it falls on Super Bowl Sunday this year.