Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
Looking back, it was a good thing I was too wasted to fire up the chainsaw.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.