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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
Wine: How classy people get trashed.
Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.