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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There’s liquor and you can’t hear them.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.