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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!