Daily Silly Status

I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.

With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!

The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.

I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"

You and I are just different. And by different I mean you`re stupid.

Every day can be palm Sunday if you`re a single guy

"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."

I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.

My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/

Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.

Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a taxi fill up at a gas station

Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.

If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"