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Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
I`m having an out of money experience.