Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?