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Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook