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I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat up; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
I`m going crazy! Get in, you`re riding shotgun!
Does this floor I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?