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Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.