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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
take me drunk i`m home
"You`re as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of