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FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.