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Grocery stores could save me a lot of time and effort by adding an “All the stuff you can microwave” aisle.
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
So much to do and so few alibis.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.