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Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesn´t constitue telling fatties they´re fatties.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.