Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
Patient: "The problem is that obesity runs in my family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dumbass, I can let you know about it.
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes