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I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.