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Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
You know what the cheapest meat is? Deer balls ... They`re under a buck
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
Do angry people know about naps?
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.