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I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.