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My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she’s a b!tch
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
REMEMBER: If you start to hear banjos, get the hell outta there!
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......