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People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
Home: Where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I wish my life had background music so I could figure out what the hell is going on.
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.
I have nothing!