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Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
If there`s one thing that I`ve learned it`s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
I wish common sense was more common.
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.