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Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
A group of toddlers is called a migraine
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/