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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.