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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
I was just thinking, which is the biggest thing I plan on accomplishing today.
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
“I saw that.” -Karma