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You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
wants to rock and roll all night
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.