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I`m thinking of changing my voicemail to the following: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
Sometimes I like to take a roll of duct tape and use it to cover up all the Mondays on my desk calendar.
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"