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There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.