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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met.
In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don`t know how you eat that sh!t".
I’m the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
if you want me to go running with you, I´m going to need some motivation... Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
I went to open a can of Whoop-Ass but it had a child-proof lid.
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.