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In the morning instead of having coffee and reading my horoscope, I have coffee and unfriend anyone who posts their horoscope.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.