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ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point