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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
What if the weather talks about us?
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today