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I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.