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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
Someone cut in front of me in the salad bar line today. I didn`t do anything because anyone who wants a salad that badly terrifies me.
Do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren`t talking?
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist