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Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Put on my workout clothes before going to the donut store just to give the impression I earned this.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.