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My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I’d go to hell for.
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. They are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.