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Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at some`s house, I always take a piece home with me.
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.