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My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
Insert coin to view my status message.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: Iām getting laid.....off.
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
The worst thing about finding out Santa isn`t real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
Better late than pregnant.
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...